Trump's $1.8 billion slush fund for his allies is here, and the line is already forming: the Proud Boys, the MyPillow guy, George Santos, even the lectern guy. The DOJ says the price tag fits, and Ronny Chieng does the math on what eligible Americans would get. He also breaks down Trump's Coast Guard Academy speech, where the president seemed fixated on hot, muscular men and hinted he may be too busy for Don Jr.'s wedding. Then it's a celebration of the one truly unifying moment in American history: the 1992 Olympic Basketball Dream Team. Boom-shaka-laka. Also, Alfred Matthew "Weird Al" Yankovic joins Ronny ahead of his "Bigger and Weirder 2026" tour to reflect on his accordion origins, parody process, permission-first philosophy, and lifelong mission to make polka sexy again.